


A Game of Chess

by Paravellex



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Image Heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-17 21:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21600157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paravellex/pseuds/Paravellex
Summary: Two lonely cherubs play a game.
Relationships: Caliborn & Calliope (Homestuck)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 63





	A Game of Chess

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: ah, so yoU've finally decided to bring the qUeen into the fray.  
UU: i mUst acknowledge that yoUr Unique brand of variant chess has made this game more interesting than Usual.  
UU: normally by this point in the match, i woUld have a significant material advantage. bUt yoU've actUally managed to stay Up a pawn for a few tUrns now.  
UU: not that it matters, becaUse my pieces have greatly sUperior positioning.  
UU: let's see how long the remainder of this match lasts, shall we?  
UU: rook to h4.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: YES. LET'S.  
uu: I SuGGEST, HOWEVER. THAT YOu NOT GROW TOO COCKY. ABOuT YOuR SuPPOSED TACTICAL ADVANTAGE.  
uu. FOR YOu SEE, DEAR SISTER. YOuR POSITION. IS MuCH WORSE THAN YOu REALIZE.  
uu: THANKS IN PART. TO THE ENCHANTMENT I HAVE PLACED uPON THIS BOARD.  
uu: BuT MOSTLY DuE. TO YOuR OWN INCOMPETENCE.  
uu: "BISHOP TO C6."  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: yes, yes, yoU've dithered on at length aboUt yoUr sUpposed "enchantment."  
UU: and before yoU ask again, i still don't care why yoU're enclosing all yoUr moves in quotes.  
UU: Use whatever pUnctUation yoU wish. the resUlt will be the same.  
UU: knight to d6.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: "KNIGHT TO D6."  
uu: CONGRATuLATIONS. YOu REMOVED THE DEFENDER. ON MY uSELESS A5 KNIGHT.  
uu: AND ALL YOU HAD TO DO. WAS GIVE UP YOuR OWN KNIGHT IN THE CENTER. WHICH WAS ARGuABLY MORE VALuABLE.  
uu: ARE YOu PROuD OF YOuRSELF?  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: yes, qUite.  
UU: because i won more than jUst that knight with that move.  
UU: or did yoU forget i can do this?  
UU: bishop to d6.  
UU: check.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: HuH.  
uu: FOR SOME REASON. I WAS SuRE YOu'D GO FOR THE OTHER KNIGHT FIRST.  
uu: OH WELL. NO HuGE LOSS. I NEVER LIKED PLAYING WITH KNIGHTS ANYWAY.  
uu: "KING TO F7."  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: yoU've described them as yoUr favoUrite piece on mUltiple occasions.  
UU: with sUch lUrid, fancifUl descriptions as "the cool snakey-looking gUys" and "the hoppy friends," becaUse yoU Used to forget what they were called.  
UU: qUeen to a5.  
UU: the knights are dead.  
UU: yoUr strUggles are fUtile.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: HEY! THAT WAS AGES AGO.  
uu: I REALIZE NOW. I PREFER BISHOPS ANYWAY. BECAuSE THEY DON'T JuMP. THEY CuT.  
uu: I LIKE THINGS THAT CuT.  
uu: THEY'RE LIKE NINJAS. IF NINJAS MOVED ON AN EIGHT BY EIGHT SQuARE GRID.  
uu: "BISHOP TO G2."  
uu: THE BISHOP IS DEAD.  
uu: YOuR JIBES ARE MEAN.  
uu: AND BY THE WAY. CHECK.  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: what's a ninja?  
UU: no, nevermind. i don't care.  
UU: king to d2.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: "PAWN TO B6."  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: hm.  
UU: no, i think i'll ignore that threat for now.  
UU: rook on d to f4.  
UU: check.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: WELL WELL WELL.  
uu: WELL WELL WELLY WELL WELL.  
uu: AS MuCH AS I WOuLD LOOOOVE TO TAKE YOuR QuEEN. IT SEEMS I AM "IN CHECK."  
uu: CuRSES! FOILED AGAIN!  
uu: "KING TO G7."  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: qUeen to e5.  
UU: check.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: OH NO! YOuR PIECES ARE CLOSING IN!  
uu: WHATEVER SHALL I DO?  
uu: "KING TO G6."  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: yoU shall do what yoU do best, of coUrse.  
UU: yoU shall lose.  
UU: rook on h to g4.  
UU: check.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: OH WELL. I SuPPOSE. THERE'S NOTHING TO BE DONE.  
uu: "KING TO h7."  
uu: LOOKS LIKE YOu'LL MATE ME NEXT MOVE. WHAT A SHAME!  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: it certainly woUld seem that way, woUldn't it?  
UU: qUeen to e6.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: WHAT.  
uu: NO. NO, YOu DON'T MEAN THAT.  
uu: THAT MOVE DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. EVEN FOR A BITCH AS DuMB AS YOu.  
uu: YOu LITERALLY HAVE. A "MATE IN ONE." THAT I EXPLICITLY SPELLED OuT!  
uu: AND YOu CHOOSE TO SNATCH THE PAWN INSTEAD?  
uu: LEAVING YOuRSELF VuLNERABLE TO COuNTERATTACK?  
uu: NO.  
uu: IN THE INTEREST OF "FAIR PLAY." AND "BEING GENEROuS." WHICH ARE BOTH THINGS I AM WELL KNOWN FOR.  
uu: I WILL ALLOW YOu TO TAKE BACK. THIS uNBELIEVABLY STuPID MOVE.  
uu: JuST THIS ONCE.  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: no, i know what i meant.  
UU: qUeen to e6, if yoU please.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: ARE YOu SURE???  
uu: YOuR QuEEN WILL BE COMPLETELY uNDEFENDED!  
uu: AREN'T YOu SCARED. THAT I'LL JuST CAPTuRE IT WITH MINE. AND SuDDENLY GET A HuGE TACTICAL ADVANTAGE?  
uu: YOu DON'T WANT THAT, DO YOu?  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: then captUre it. Unless, of coUrse, something prevents yoU from doing so?  
UU: qUeen. to. e6.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: YOu DEVIOuS BITCH.  
uu: YOu KNEW THE WHOLE TIME, DIDN'T YOu?  
uu: WHY DID YOu PLAY ALONG FOR SO LONG?  
uu: YOu RISKED YOuR PERFECT WINNING STREAK. JuST TO HuMILIATE ME!  
uu: A FEW TuRNS AGO. IF I CHOSE TO DROP THE ACT. I COuLD HAVE TAKEN YOuR QuEEN!  
uu: AND EASILY CRuSHED YOu!  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: yes, yoU coUld have.  
UU: bUt yoU didn't.  
UU: i knew yoU woUld want to save yoUr dramatic reveal Until the last possible moment.  
UU: as sUch, i was assUred of my ability to hUmoUr yoU with impUnity, knowing yoU would never remove the phony crowns Unless forced to.  
UU: and yes, of coUrse i knew the whole time.  
UU: yoU're not exactly a brilliant craftsman.  
UU: why don't we get rid of these shoddy pieces of work?  
UU: that's more like it.  
UU: oh my. it seems yoUr king is in check.  
UU: perhaps yoU woUld like to do something aboUt that?  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: FuCK YOu. FuCK YOu! I FuCKING HATE YOu.  
uu: YOu'RE SMuG. YOu'RE INSuFFERABLE. AND YOu'RE JuST FuCKING MEAN.  
uu: KING TO D8.  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: bishop to e7.  
UU: check.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: YOu WANT ME TO TAKE THAT, DON'T YOu?  
uu: TOuGH SHIT. BECAuSE DESPITE WHAT YOu MIGHT THINK. AND WHAT HISTORY MIGHT SuGGEST. I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOuT YOuR ROOKS.  
uu: NOT THIS TIME.  
uu: KING TO C7.  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: rook to f7.  
UU: there's the "mate" yoU so generoUsly sUggested earlier, or an approximation thereof.  
UU: never let it be said i don't listen to yoUr advice.  
UU: the trap is set.  
UU: yoUr doom is nigh.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: QuEEN TO F7.  
uu: THE ROOK IS DEAD.  
uu: SOMETHING SOMETHING FuCK YOu.  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: a cUrious move, brother. and a stUpid one.  
UU: yoU coUld have escaped with yoUr queen, bUt instead yoU made it captUre my rook, even thoUgh this meant its certain doom.  
UU: bUt then, yoU always were careless with yoUr most important pieces.  
UU: jUst ask jack noir.  
UU: oh wait. yoU can't.  
UU: qUeen to f7.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: HEY. JACK WAS A GOOD MAN. A "SWEET BRO."  
uu: I WON'T HAVE HIS MEMORY. DISRESPECTED LIKE THIS.  
uu: EVEN THOuGH YOu WERE PREPARED FOR HIS ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT. WHICH COuLD HAVE BEEN ORDERED BY ANYONE.  
uu: AND EVEN THOuGH YOu EASILY DISARMED HIM. AND STABBED HIM TO DEATH WITH HIS OWN KNIVES.  
uu: HE STILL TRIED. AND TRYING IS WHAT COuNTS. ISN'T IT?  
uu: KING TO C6.  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: trying is not what coUnts, and yoU know it.  
UU: sUccess is what coUnts.  
UU: like the sUccess which i am experiencing in this game, and have experienced in all oUr other games.  
UU: and the sUccess which i will have in oUr Ultimate conflict.  
UU: rook to c4.  
UU: check.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: YOu'RE RuDE AS FuCK, YOu KNOW THAT?  
uu: JuST A TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT. NO WONDER YOu DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.  
uu: KING TO B5.  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: on the contrary. my manners are excellent.  
UU: they have nothing to do with my admittedly lacking social circle.  
UU: there's a mUch simpler explanation for that, and it reflects no worse on me than it does on yoU.  
UU: let's whittle down the material a little more.  
UU: rook to c8.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: YES! I KNOW! I AM AWARE OF THIS EXPLANATION!  
uu: BuT IT DOESN'T MEAN. YOu HAVE TO BE SuCH A FuCKING BITCH.  
uu: TO THE ONLY OTHER PERSON. YOu'VE EVER TALKED TO. IN YOuR LIFE!  
uu: ROOK TO C8.  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: qUeen to f5.  
UU: yoU slipped Up again. yoU let me fork yoUr king and yoUr rook.  
UU: this game has been trUly horrendoUs for yoU, and yet perfectly representative of yoUr abilities.  
UU: yoU can never defeat me. even when yoU cheat.  
UU: we came into this world with identical resoUrces, and yet in every conflict between Us, yoU fail, and fail, and fail.  
UU: but never fear. soon, yoU will never fail again.  
UU: becaUse yoU will never do anything again at all.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: I KNOW! I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!!!  
uu: I KNOW I'M STuPID! I KNOW I'M WEAK! I KNOW I CAN'T BEAT YOu!  
uu: NOT AT THIS! NOT AT ANYTHING!  
uu: TRYING IS THE BEST I CAN DO! AND EVEN THAT HuRTS!  
uu: I DON'T KNOW WHY I BOTHER.  
uu: FuCK YOu.  
uu: KING TO A6.  
uu: DO WHATEVER YOu WANT. I DON'T CARE.  
undyingUmbrage [uu] blocked uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: yoU blocked me again? yoU know that doesn't do anything.  
UU: qUeen to c8.  
UU: the rook is dead.  
UU: yoUr time is short.  
UU: best make the most of it, caliborn.  
UU: check.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: WAIT. WHAT.  
uu: YOu SAID MY NAME. YOu SAID MY NAME AND YOu DIDN'T PASS OUT.  
uu: HOW DID YOu DO THAT.  
uu: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.  
uu: uHHH.  
uu: BISHOP TO B7.  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: isn't it obvioUs?  
UU: if yoU were smarter, yoU would have gUessed.  
UU: it's starting.  
UU: yoU've finally realized that yoU can never beat me. scheme as yoU will, strUggle as yoU will, yoUr efforts to thwart me mUst always amoUnt to nothing.  
UU: on some level, yoU have always known this. bUt with with the intrUsion of this knowledge into yoUr conscioUs mind, yoUr fate has become imminent.  
UU: there is absolUtely nothing left for yoU. nothing bUt despair, and nothing bUt death.  
UU: i estimate yoU have Until the end of oUr match.  
UU: qUeen to c4.  
UU: check.  
UU: mate in five.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: KING TO A5.  
uu: WAIT.  
uu: WHY DO I FEEL TINGLY?  
uu: WHAT DID YOu DO?  
uu: ...  
uu: OH GOD.  
uu: NO. NO, YOu CAN'T BE SERIOuS. YOu'RE LYING!  
uu: I CAN'T DIE! I CAN'T DIE TO YOu!  
uu: AREN'T YOu TIRED OF BEATING ME?  
uu: WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOu???  
uu: HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN? I'M SO MuCH COOLER! AND SMARTER! AND BETTER!!!  
uu: IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FuCKING FAIR!!!  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: yes, it is fair.  
UU: and that is the caUse of yoUr distress.  
UU: the strong prey Upon the weak. nothing is more fair than that.  
UU: and yoU, brother, have never been anything bUt weak.  
UU: weak, powerless, helpless, small.  
UU: yoUr every move only accelerates yoUr demise.  
UU: even in this very game, yoUr previoUs move might have forestalled the end, had yoU the sense to attack with yoUr cheapest piece rather than retreat with yoUr most valUable.  
UU: bUt now, yoU will be left with only one possible move.  
UU: yoUr king must retreat into his corner, and await his doom.  
UU: qUeen to b4.  
UU: check.  
UU: mate in one.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]  
uu: SISTER.  
uu: PLEASE.  
uu: PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.  
uu: I'LL DO ANYTHING. ANYTHING! WHAT DO YOu WANT? I'LL DO IT!  
uu: LOOK! I'LL EVEN BE A GRACEFuL LOSER IN OuR CHESS GAME! I WON'T FLIP THE BOARD OR HIDE THE PIECES OR THROW ANY OF MY uSuAL CHILDISH TANTRuMS!  
uu: KING TO A6!  
uu: GO AHEAD! WIN THE GAME! YOu EARNED IT! GOOD JOB!  
uu: WASN'T IT FuN? BEATING ME? DON'T YOu WANT TO DO IT SOME MORE? YOu CAN'T DO THAT IF I'M DEAD! YOu NEED ME!  
uu: PLEASE!  
uu: I DON'T WANT TO DIE!  
uu: CALLIE!  
uu: I'M SCARED!  
uu: PLEASE!!!  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
UU: pathetic to the end. i expected nothing less.  
UU: the board's final position is fitting, i think. the lesser dark pieces are helpless to defend their king. indeed, their only role is to prevent its escape.  
UU: conversely, the light pieces do not interfere with their sovereign's mission of death.  
UU: all that is needed for victory is a single warrior, standing alone.  
UU: ...  
UU: queen to a4.  
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

UU: checkmate.

**Author's Note:**

> Images captured on [chess.com](https://www.chess.com/). Original inspiration for this fic came from [/u/mhink's analysis of the canon game on Reddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/homestuck/comments/1tp58j/caliborn_and_calliopes_chess_game_annotated/)


End file.
